Self-focused questions “How am I doing lately?”

In my Day 30 – How you love yourself in the coming 90 days? Today’s home work, end of Sep final updates, a quote of encouragement on Sep 28: “No matter how busy or tired I am, I am committed to take at least 1 hour a week conversing with myself.” And exactly what topics do I talk to myself?

An important question for all of us before all other questions I asked myself is –>

Do I spend enough time with myself, listen to my inner voices and have peace within? 

We all need certain levels of assurance and reassurance to ourselves (that we are being oneself, living the life the way we want and we know what we are doing) and security (where not to worry about getting hurt or suffer, be as free and safe within) in our lives, both physically and mentally, especially the later. These two provide a sense of stability and peace anchoring within ourselves, steady the our inner being, even when our outer surrounding is full of chaos.

The level of assurance and security needed may vary accordingly to our backgrounds, past experiences and most present situations. The source of the providers often we think is and count on others and in fact, we ourselves are the ultimate source. It is for our own well-being and benefits to understand self well, take the responsibility and be our own source provider.

The below is a list of questions I am asking myself on regular basis: (Just be very honest with yourself and not to judge yourself; pay attention to the first answer in mind, it is often the most true reflection of your current thoughts. Be gentle and keep in mind this is to spend quality time with self, not to criticize self)

• How am I feeling lately? (both physically and mentally)
• Am I happy? Truly happy? And why is that? May I do something about it? (replacing ‘happy’ with ‘content’, ‘satisfied’, ‘enjoying life’, ‘sad’, ‘angry’, ‘upset’, ‘tired’, ‘stressed’, ‘worried’, ‘calm’, ‘focused’, ‘determined’, ‘relaxed’, ‘appreciative’, ‘creative’, ‘healthy’, ‘demotivated’, ‘judgmental’, ‘blaming’, ‘fearless’, ‘resentful’, ‘growing’, ‘honest’, ‘being loved’, ‘loving’, ‘avoiding’, ‘free spirit’, ‘having hard time’, ‘running out of time’, ‘energetic’, ‘inspired’, ‘lonely’ … etc. you may go through few emotion adjectives as above or select the one best describes you and dig into it.) 
• How far am I from my personal goals? (Do I have a personal goal?)
• How is my work vs. life balance at the moment?
• How have I changed emotionally and physically from last month? (How is my well-being?) 
• What can I do differently for myself next month?
• What did I do last month that I am proud of? (Take time to appreciate how good I am!)
• Am I growing or learning or enriching myself? (Developing my potential…)
• What is(are) my priority(ies) in the coming month? (take 1 month at a time – this helps to regain focus on what is important and close to your heart) 
• What makes me happy? (and grant yourself to do that 😛 what’s the wait?)
• If I win 1 million dollars, what would I do and feel? (this question is to encourage dreaming~ every dream with realizable action plans => goals coming true!!)

The purpose of the above question is to constantly be aware of our own thoughts and feelings. Many people who are stressed often neglect the early warnings that are sent out from their mind and bodies. If we are all aware of early signals and having regular check up or conversations with self, life will be much happier and more relaxed!!

While you taking time surfing on the net and reading nice articles, why not take another 5 minutes to answer the above question for yourselves, having a little intimacy with self!!

 

Final Sep update on My 5 self-love actions for the next 90 days (Part 3/3)

Sorry for the delay! Finally it’s here! 🙂

Day 30 – Today’s home work: Create a self-love plan of 5 action items for the coming 90 days (July, August, September) The below is my 5 self-love actions with final month, end of Sep updates: (my end of August updates and end of July updates)

(1) Read 3 self-love books (1 book by the end of each month)

3rd book checked – “Self-improvement 101” by John C Maxwell.

Additional book read: “Social Intelligence: The new science of human relationships” by Daniel Goleman.

(2) One statement per day (30 by each month end)

• Sep 1 – It’s better to be well prepared than sorry.
• Sep 2 – There is nothing more important than embracing and standing firmly for certain family values. I am making the changes for a better family life
• Sep 3 – The easiest and fastest way to change the world is to change ourselves.
• Sep 4 – Do not let others to decide or to disturb on how I will live through my day today.
• Sep 5 – Nothing is so urgent in life (don’t have to rush all the time), unless when life itself become urgent (facing life and death situation).
• Sep 6 – Helping others is like having pollen and seeds spreading around, we never know what kind of flowers, fruits or outcomes it will bring. It is not so much about expecting any return, but rather not to underestimate the impacts that we bring on others. (I encourage myself keep on spreading the seeds of surprises!)

• Sep 7 – When I start to focus on how much others do for me, I start to realize how little I do for others. 
• Sep 8 – Loving self is an important life long subject; but we often forget to keep it in the daily program.
• Sep 9 – Take 2-3 hours to do something I like regularly, i.e. per week, I feel much more with myself and  happy with myself.
• Sep 10 – Self-improvement is meant for ‘self’, not for others.
  
• Sep 11 – Type of life we are living in is reflected in the types of daily activities we do. (if want to change the type of life, we got to change the activities)

• Sep 12 – “if we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living.” by Gail Sheehy
• Sep 13 – Growth is certainly a choice; no one says it is easy, but for sure rewarding!
• Sep 14 – Focus on self-development, not self-fulfillment. (self-development is a bigger goal than self-fulfillment. Self-fulfillment is the by-product benefit of self-development)
• Sep 15 – Anyone appears in our lives for a reason. I may not understand what is the reason right away, but I am willing to explore and learn more from them.
• Sep 16 – Resting is preparing for the next heard work!
  
• Sep 17 – Finding life purpose calling is not easy (especially we don’t listen to our hearts), but it will come when we start to pay attention.
• Sep 18 – Sometimes what I think it is good for others may not be the case. Always double check with consideration.
• Sep 19 – Within an interaction, how I react enrolls how other responses. (meaning if I want my boss to trust me that I am handling everything well, I need to first show my boss I am handling my boss well)
• Sep 20 – Where I am being myself and expose myself, it does not mean I am weak and vulnerable. I just choose to let others to see the naked me. (don’t have to guess me)
• Sep 21 – He who dares loving, trying and giving is really living!
• Sep 22 – Managing self is easier than managing others; nevertheless, we like to manage others first.
• Sep 23 – “A winner knows how much he still has to learn, even when he is considered an expert by others; a loser wants to be considered as an expert before he has learned enough to know how little he knows.“ by Sydney Harris
• Sep 24 – Live like there is no next month.
• Sep 25 – It’s not ‘time’ that we don’t have, it’s self-discipline.
• Sep 26 – Develop a plan, working toward according to the plan and discipline myself without any excuses.
• Sep 27 – What is life like with a limited life with unfulfilled potentials?
  
• Sep 28 – No matter how busy or tired I am, I am committed to take at least 1 hour a week conversing with myself (i.e.how I am feeling, how I have been, am I happy, how far am I from my personal goals, how is my life/work balance and so on).
• Sep 29 – Always give self extra credit, support and courage to do things desired.
• Sep 30 – “The greatest enemy of tomorrow’s success is today’s success” by Rick Warren

(3) Two hours of exercise per week (8.5 hours every month) 65% checked – took an hour every week during lunch time to do some fast walking around the block and 30 minutes stretching each night before going to bed. Certainly over the past 90 days, there were still room to improve; and I keep on telling myself to continue going ahead, not to let yesterday’s failure dis-encourages tomorrow’s success!

(4) Two activities per month that I would love to do with myself (2 activities to share each month) Checked! Take a good bath with oil, home made ice tea with candle and music 🙂 Treat myself with world famous singer concert (Madonna’s concert)!!

(5) Save $100 per month for the thing that I always wanted ($100 more at the end of each month) Checked! Not only I have saved $300, a friend of mine has given me an iPAD as a gift! So wonderful~ it’s like when I start to accumulate wealth, wealth itself multiplies!!! (law of attraction?)

 

Aug update on My 5 self-love actions for the next 90 days (Part 2/3)

Day 30 – Today’s home work: Create a self-love plan of 5 action items for the coming 90 days (July, August, September)

The below is my 5 self-love actions with end of Aug updates:
(my end of July updates)

(1) Read 3 self-love books (1 book by the end of each month)

2nd book checked – “Encouragement changes everything“ by John C Maxwell.

The next book for September is “Self-improvement 101” by John C Maxwell.

(2) One statement per day (30 by each month end)

• Aug 1 – Encouragement is the oxygen to the soul.
• Aug 2 – We always have choice to be who we want to be!
• Aug 3 – It would be easier to hike with the right shoes…
• Aug 4 – Let no ‘expectation’ traps me into the ‘should be’ situation and disturbs me emotionally.

• Aug 5 – I am really proud of myself facing up to my weaknesses.
• Aug 6 – Life is beautiful. I will take time to slow down and enjoy the beauty.
• Aug 7 – I can do it! I can let go the urge of wanting to be right! 
• Aug 8 – Empathy is the pillar for an intimate and strong relationship.
• Aug 9 – At time of difficult moment, take one day at a time; difficult period will eventually pass.
• Aug 10 – Not to over worry for people or things that I have no control over or not responsible of. 
• Aug 11 – Relationship requires investment of love, time, energy, compromises, understanding, patience, communication and faith. The more we invest, the more we reap on the way!
• Aug 12 – Trust is the foundation of a relationship. I will give 100% of trust at the beginning – what do I get to lose?
• Aug 13 – sometimes we ask for things that we are not ready to receive; in this case, perhaps it’s better that we wait a bit longer.
• Aug 14 – Waiting for someone else’ to change takes very long time; it is easier to change ourselves first.
• Aug 15 – Anyone appears in our lives for a reason. I may not understand what is the reason right away, but I am willing to explore and learn from.
• Aug 16 – I am happy that I am a giver in love and also a taker.
• Aug 17 – There are so many unfortunate events happening on other people around us; I will cherish what I have, not focus on what i don’t have.
• Aug 18 – When I start to involve and consider my partner in decision making, from big to small decisions, it’s the time when i really in a relationship.
• Aug 19 – Sometimes in a relationship, it’s not about what we can do for others, but merely the simple fact if we are there when asked or needed.
• Aug 20 – To get recognized by others, sometimes is not about how well and how much you have done; but how much you stood up by your achievements.
• Aug 21 – Always aim for the best and prepare for the worst.
• Aug 22 – It’s never too late to make an apology.
• Aug 23 – Do what you can while alive; once when time is up, action ceases.
• Aug 24 – Be humble; the more we know, the less we know.
• Aug 25 – Forgive is to forget and let go; not to ignore.
• Aug 26 – A bold heart is half of the battle.
• Aug 27 – Less is more. 
• Aug 28 – The best gifts in life are given when we are not asking for them.
• Aug 29 – When my partner embraces my temper in silence, it does not mean it doesn’t hurt, so I may abuse it; it means he loves me and my temper more than he loves himself.
• Aug 30 – Thinking out of box sometimes, it helps thinking in the box!
• Aug 31 – I may not be the best perfect partner that my partner wishes for; but I am proud of being the partner I am to my partner.

(3) Two hours of exercise per week (8.5 hours every month)

50% checked – only did 4 hours this month 😦 I would like to focus a bit more in restate my health in Sept!

(4) Two activities per month that I would love to do with myself (2 activities to share each month)

Checked! Finally visited my dream destination, a church in Mogno Switzerland designed by Mario Botha (see below); invited myself to a Japanese restaurant and enjoy food by myself.

(5) Save $100 per month for the thing that I always wanted ($100 more at the end of each month)

Checked! Total $200 by now and I have already bought the pad!!! YEH.. early achievement!

 

Completed – 30 Days on How to love your partner :)

30 Days to Love Our Partners!! We did it 🙂 

Dear Friends and Readers 🙂

After 30 Days on How to love yourself more, I have challenged myself on 30 Days on How to love your partner. It has been a great 30 days in my life and for my relationship with my partner. I have carried out the daily actions myself; some are quite challenging and requiring lots of space between my partner and I, some are easier and fun to do. We not only get to know each other much more in a deeper level, but also using the opportunities to make commitments embracing our differences and common goals in life. Both my partner and I have learnt a lot in this 30 days journey, I truly hope this mini-journey has brought and shared different perspectives of relationship, enriched and helped your relationship in any ways. 

Thank you all who read my posts, shared comments, gave feedback and liked what I believe 🙂 Learning how to love is a lifelong journey, hope to see or hear from you again on the road.

I wish all of us all creating and profiting from the life we want and we create!

Love from Hsing/Cindy

Day 1 – Buy as you see it! No false expectation or hidden intention.

Day 2 – How are you as a partner?

Day 3 – Are you in the relationship for the right reasons?

Day 4 – Express what you feel and say what you think honestly

Day 5 – Are you punishing your partner for your past hurts?

Day 6 – Beliefs about love ~

Day 7 – Let go of your urges of being right all the time!

Day 8 – Wear your partner’s pants!

Day 9 – Use your ears and listen with an open heart

Day 10 – Empower your partner!

Day 11 – Give the benefit of doubts!

Day 12 – Set time aside for quality time together with your partner.

Day 13 – Are you ready for “into-me-see”?

Day 14 – Having sex and making love ~

Day 15 – One loving kiss a day, live 5 minutes longer ~

Day 16 – Compromise is inevitable in a healthy relationship

Day 17 – The power of serving your partner!

Day 18 – Involve your partner in decision making!

Day 19 – Stand by your partner

Day 20 – Forgive your partner ~

Day 21 – Challenge your partner out of comfort zone!

Day 22 – Invite yourself and be part of your partner’s dreams

Day 23 – Let your partner teach, show and lead you~

Day 24 – Appreciate and admire your partner!

Day 25 – Romanticize your partner!

Day 26 – Show interests at what your partner is doing!

Day 27 – Handle your partner with care ~

Day 28 – Give your partner time, space and patience to grow

Day 29 – Be proud of your partner!

Day 30 – Be creative in loving your partner

Day 31 – How you love your partner for life?

 

30 days of love making – an act of love per day

(Refer: action no.2 in Day 14 – Having sex and making love ~ of our 30 Days on How to love your partner series)

Below are 30 days of actions for your reference. Some may be more challenging and appealing than others, dare yourself out of comfort zone and see what the act of love making may bring you! There may be some surprises waiting for you! Give them a try and have fun!!

• Day 1 – write a love note and put into your partner’s shirt pocket or hand bags
• Day 2 – tell your partner you love him or her
• Day 3 – invite your partner to bathe or take a shower together
• Day 4 – express your gratitude towards your partner through a piece of cake
• Day 5 – write a note with at least 5 qualities that your partner has that you appreciate
• Day 6 – prepare a nice meal for your partner
• Day 7 – entice sex life with special lingerie or outfit
• Day 8 – be at the door when your partner returns from work, give a deep welcome home hug
• Day 9 – give a goodbye kiss when your partner leaves for work, wishing him or her a nice day
• Day 10 – give your partner a sexual message, email or SMS during the day (be spontaneous and a little wild)
• Day 11 – give a word of encouragement
• Day 12 – let your partner know you are here for him or her
• Day 13 – organize a lunch date together, make efforts to meet up
• Day 14 – ask your partner how has his or her day been and prepare to listen
• Day 15 – tell your partner a surprise awaits at home when he or she returns from work; and welcome your partner home naked
• Day 16 – find a song dedicate it to your partner, expressing how you feel about him or her
• Day 17 – surprise your partner by taking him or her out to dinner tonight
• Day 18 – give your partner a foot massage
• Day 19 – take your partner out to enjoy a spa/theater/exhibition/movie/stand-up comedy… (depending what your partner normally like to do)
• Day 20 – send a flower to your partner’s office (if you have male partner, give it a try; he may enjoy the attention brought by the flowers received)
• Day 21 – tell your partner your sexual fantasy or what you like about your partner in bed
• Day 22 – do something for your partner (that he or she has been asking you to do)
• Day 23 – give your partner a shoulder rub or message
• Day 24 – in bed 10 minutes before your partner; get naked and put some music on..
• Day 25 – give your partner at least 20 kisses throughout the whole day today
• Day 26 – pamper and give your partner a small gift

• Day 27 – write your partner a love letter expressing what he or she has made you realized or learnt about love and relationship; also tell how important he or she is in your life
• Day 28 – give your partner a head message
• Day 29 – try a different position in making love
• Day 30 – tell your partner one incident where he or she touches your heart deeply
• Day 31 – love the way you want with your own style

 

Day 14 – Having sex and making love ~

If having sex is like having a house, then making love is turning the house into a home.

Having sex is fun, exciting, a combustion of desire, physical attractions and intense energies, it’s a part of our primal animal nature instincts; making love involves feelings, exchange of deeper emotions, understanding, empathy and contentment of the mind.

In your relationship, are you having more sex or more love making? Are you having fun with your partner in the area? And are you exploring sex and love making as much as possible to enjoy the pleasures brought by vast options? What is your view about sex? How open are you to talk about sex and express your sexual desire? It’s perhaps not an open topic which everyone discusses or shares with anyone in public; but certainly it involves everyone as we all have sexual desires. It’s a part of our biological make-up, a part of us we will attend and take care of, just like other desires for food, love, physical growth and so on.

Are you taking care of your own sexual desire and expression? Do you know what stimulates and arouses you sexually? Have you explored your sexualities and likings? Sex is no longer an act of biological prolonging of life, passing the genes; but also becoming an enjoyment and a pleasure of physical bodies. Why not enjoy what your body may offer?

Making love shifts the whole act of having sex to another different level. Making love is more personal and involves more efforts and exchanges of inner emotions and vulnerabilities. Making love does not confine to when sex begins; it is happening all these time when you and your partner feel the love between. It may start from the morning wake up cuddles, goodbye kisses, warm messages or sexual SMS during the day, welcome home hugs, cooked meals, intimate time spent, good night kisses till holding hands together while sleeping; and it continues. If you allow, it’s making love 24 hours a day.

Something very important to embrace is that making love does not restricted to only physical, but also includes mental sensations and climax. As love grows stronger and deeper, our desire and needs of having sex may reduce (to balance) and yet not feeling deprived, it is because we are fulfilled by the satisfactions and contentment from love making based on intimacy and connectivity on the mental level. A mental climax has replaced physical climax.

Making love stimulates the excitements and the growth of a relationship, it encourages couples to open up physically and emotionally, it reminds couples to offer and provide for each other, to put efforts and be creative in supporting and be with each other, as well as it boosts our immune systems and keep ourselves physically fit and heart closer to each other. Let’s all make more love!

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Putting efforts in having sex and making love; expressing and exploring my sexuality together with my partner, as well as creating and sharing more love moments between us.

For your actions:

(1)    Find out what ticks your sexual desire; consider sharing with your partner.

(1)    Try making love, do an act of love per day, for the whole month (Refer: 30 days of love making – an act of love per day).

(2)    Have a fun Sex and intimacy game with each other.

 

Day 13 – Are you ready for “into-me-see”?

“You have to drop all your defenses; only then is intimacy possible. We are all hiding a thousand and one things, not only from others but from ourselves. ” ~ By Osho

Most of us desire ‘intimacy’ in our relationship with love one, but afraid to be the first to share and give our inner self. Being intimate with self is to empathize, embrace and nurture with one’s own weaknesses, vulnerabilities, wounds and deep emotions; this requires tremendous  self-courage to face up own reality and self-love to accept with totality, to heal and grow out of the old wounds. Being intimate with our partners mean in additions to ‘being intimate with self’, we are to open up ourselves completely and to invite our partners to ‘into-me-see’.

Depending on how intimate we are with ourselves and how comfortable we are with how much our partners see our inner world, we set boundaries and scopes for intimacy. Every one of us has our own definition, understanding and requirements in terms of what are or constitute ‘intimacy’; so does every couple in relationship. For couple, no matter whether it is no secrets between the two, always honest and open with each other or sharing inner feelings, healing past wounds with compassion, or exposing own frailties and fear with other’s support and so on, the moment you both discuss and agree to have intimacy, you are already in the boat of intimacy. The more time and efforts invested in the ‘intimacy’ of your relationship, the more heart-felt moments you share and enjoy, leading to closer and tighter bond with each other.

Take a moment to ask yourself: are you intimate with yourself? Are you intimate with your partner? What does it mean by having intimacy with your partner and through what activities do you feel more intimate and closer to your partner? Perhaps you choose not to want intimacy or if you are afraid of being intimate? Explore and get to know yourself more around the subject of ‘intimacy’, i.e. your beliefs, behaviors, understanding and definitions; you may find the missing key which unlocks the door to intimacy, wounds or past secrets which may set free your hidden desires or abilities in becoming intimate.

Being intimate is a state of mind reflecting your connectivity with inner self or with your partner. It is a way of living and an art of life; it brings the fine finishing touch to relationship. You don’t need to be highly skilled to have intimacy with your partner, just a willing heart. Are you ready to ‘into-me-see’?

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Being the first in our relationship to open up completely and invite my partner to ‘into-me-see’, trusting my partner will not hurt me; also patiently to encourage and enroll my partner to share his or her inner world with me.

For your actions:

(1)    Understand first your own relationship with self on ‘intimacy’, then the ‘intimacy’ in your relationship with the partner, i.e. your beliefs, understanding, definitions and expectations…etc.

(2)    Share and discuss with your partner your view on ‘intimacy’ and the desirable ‘intimacy’ within your relationship. Listen carefully what and how your partner answers and responses (first open up session to be intimate).

(3)    Find out what activities (will) make both of you feel intimate and close with each others, make plans for these activities.

 

Day 12 – Set time aside for quality time together with your partner.

What or whom you spend most of your quality time with is the love of our life~

So what and whom do you spend most of your quality time with? Your work, managing your wealth or with the love ones (i.e. partner and or children), families or on your health, having pleasures or…. Do you allocate your time based on the urgency of the subjects or their importance? Notice how easily or reluctantly when you shift the reserved time for one subject and subsequently change to another, i.e. shift time for exercise to watching TV instead or sacrifice the time with families for another hour at work and so on.

For a couple who lives together, they most likely have 7 hours together, assuming 9 hours for work, 8 hours for sleeping and no other social activities. It seems lots of hours spent together, but it doesn’t mean they have good quality time together. Couple talks to each other on daily trivial matters (i.e. what to eat tonight, who is to do the dishes), on common interests (i.e. where to go for the weekend or holiday) and responsibilities (i.e. children education, pet disciplines); perhaps only occasionally talks and shares about their inner thoughts and feelings if situations allow. How many couples you know that actually allocate a couple quality time once a week together?

Couple attracts to each other at first due to their looks, personalities and characters, thoughts and feelings shared with each other and things they do together. They unite because they passionately want the same things, have common interests and goals to achieve, and love spending time together, even a life time! As relation evolves and time progresses, there are more parties involved (i.e. pets, in-laws, children), more things and events happen requiring more of your attention. Despites all the things are happening, if you want staying attracted to each other, continue to have the desire being close and intimate with each other, wanting to spend whole life time together, both of you would need to continue having and doing what unite both of you at the start; putting some efforts in maintaining them!

When are the moments you both feel mostly united or bonded together in your relationship? Is it after you share a passionate getaway weekend or vacation? Or is it after sharing intimate thoughts and inner feelings? Or is it after having some drinks and some fun together? Or maybe when the apologies and making up start after a heated argument with high emotions? The crucial point is to find your magical moments and potions that keep both of your passion alive for each other. Revitalize these moments and feelings throughout your entire relationship.

Time is what you make of it. Prioritize the quality time you spend with your partner, because your relationship is the foundation of your (potential) marriage life, the pillars of your parents-children relationship and the heart & soul which completes your life.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Setting time aside and having quality time with my partner at least once a week to build and enjoy our relationship further; just for two of us and no other interruptions, i.e. no phone calls, delays, house work, children or friends…etc. I devote my 100% attention.

For your actions:

(1) Make a date (i.e. candle light dinner, Sunday brunch or…) with your partner right away to share the idea of set time aside for quality time together; this will be your first attempt!

(2) Schedule a time once a week with your partner; commit and make it a regular get together for sharing, having fun or intimacy.

 

Day 11 – Give the benefit of doubts!

Trust is earned or freely given?

Do you trust your partner? Do you trust yourself? In which areas do you have doubts in your partner? Is it related to your partner and himself (i.e. he always procrastinates in general) or between your partner and you (i.e. he only postpones the to-do tasks or events with you)? In which areas do you have doubts in yourself? Is it related to you and yourself or between you and your partner? Do you spot any correlation or patterns between you and your partner? The answers most likely inter-related because you reflect each other.

Trust, like happiness, is a state of mind. If you first trust your partner, whatever you hear, he or she says are all trustworthy and you response in trusting manners; positive atmosphere and energy go back and forth. On the other hand, if you do not trust your partner up front in the relationship or start to doubt, everything you hear is customized with suspicions and uncertainties, and you behave accordingly; the vicious circle of distrust starts. Distrust is like a poison, it slowly eats away your ideals, happiness, faith, love and the opportunity to a genuine trusting relationship.

What are your beliefs in the area of ‘Trust’? Do you think trust is earned or you could give it freely? If a stranger approaches you or a new friend asks more private matters about you, will you grant trust to this person and share more? How much trust will you give? What is your theory around the subject? And is it different for your partner? When will you trust your partner with your love (i.e. believing he or she will not hurt you in love) and your life (i.e. that he or she will not harm your life and is able to protect your life, as he or she is protecting his or hers)?

Trust is a choice and can be given to anyone at any time the moment you decide. By trusting others completely doesn’t free or guarantee you from harms; but it rather opens up what you can offer to others, to relationship, lets others know you are adequate and abundant, you afford to take the risks, as well as at the same time it encourages and enrolls others to take the same approach and do the same (to give you complete trust freely).

In S. Covey’s book, “Speed of Trust”, he uses the “ripple effect” metaphor with Self at the center and waves rippling from the inside out to describe the “5 Waves of Trust”, i.e. first trust wave is Self-Trust (credibility driven), second is Relationship-Trust (consistent behavior driven) wave, then follows …. It’s all starting from ourselves and we are the key to a successful trusting relationship.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Giving my partner the benefit of doubts and treating him or her with my total trust, respect and openness; before I jump into any conclusion or making any accusation of my partner, I will openly discuss and verify with my partner first.

For your actions:

(1) Ask yourself if you have given your partner the benefit of doubts? How much do you trust yourself and your partner in love?

(2) What does it take for you to give your partner complete trust?

 

Day 10 – Empower your partner!

Empowerment is the trust and power granted by a person or an institution to another; it is to invest, equip, supply or enable certain abilities.

We are all bestowed with an ability to choose the best for ourselves based on our best understanding of the situation. One’s best may differ from another as we are unique individuals and pursuing different meanings and goals in life. Some people’s best might turn out to be not the best due to limited or insufficient understanding while making the decisions. When we are in a team or in a relationship, the ‘best’ is no longer just merely for one, but for both parties.

In our practical daily relationship, we may have discussed and agreed with our partner on what is the ‘best’ for the major decisions or events; for the insignificant decisions and trivial, we trust and rely on each other’s best abilities to make the ‘best’ decisions for both. A couple-relationship is most solid and tightly bonded when both parties are equipped with the best of their abilities, performing what they accept as their duties and responsibilities voluntarily or willingly, as well as trusting each other and giving the space allowing mistakes.

Take a moment to reflect your current relationship, are you the one making all the decisions, doing all the work, taking care of children and overloaded not only with your own duties and responsibilities, but also your partner’s? Are you aware that you are dis-empowering your partner? Or are you the one being dis-empowered?

A couple may grow stronger physically and mentally together if they are compatible in most of the aspects, aligning and sharing the same beliefs, as well as being supportive to each other.

We all have own part of duties and responsibilities related to the roles we take in a relationship. The scope and the understanding of responsibility may vary depending on the background, beliefs, wishes and desires. It is important for a couple to clearly understand and define the scopes of their roles and what they each and jointly are responsible for.

Learn to let go and trust that each of you are doing the best of your abilities for the relationship; give and share constructive feedback. Empowering each other!

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Acknowledging my partner is doing the best of his or her ability for our relationship and I support my partner by trusting and empowering him or her; not by dis-empowering, making judgments, criticisms or nonconstructive feedback.

For your actions:

(1)    Ask yourself if you are empowering or dis-empowering your partner in the relationship? Find out the underlying reasons for your dis-empowering.

(2)    List out 5 areas where you would or could empower your partner and share your thoughts with your partner on the decision.