Tag Archives: Self-esteem

Self-focused questions “How am I doing lately?”

In my Day 30 – How you love yourself in the coming 90 days? Today’s home work, end of Sep final updates, a quote of encouragement on Sep 28: “No matter how busy or tired I am, I am committed to take at least 1 hour a week conversing with myself.” And exactly what topics do I talk to myself?

An important question for all of us before all other questions I asked myself is –>

Do I spend enough time with myself, listen to my inner voices and have peace within? 

We all need certain levels of assurance and reassurance to ourselves (that we are being oneself, living the life the way we want and we know what we are doing) and security (where not to worry about getting hurt or suffer, be as free and safe within) in our lives, both physically and mentally, especially the later. These two provide a sense of stability and peace anchoring within ourselves, steady the our inner being, even when our outer surrounding is full of chaos.

The level of assurance and security needed may vary accordingly to our backgrounds, past experiences and most present situations. The source of the providers often we think is and count on others and in fact, we ourselves are the ultimate source. It is for our own well-being and benefits to understand self well, take the responsibility and be our own source provider.

The below is a list of questions I am asking myself on regular basis: (Just be very honest with yourself and not to judge yourself; pay attention to the first answer in mind, it is often the most true reflection of your current thoughts. Be gentle and keep in mind this is to spend quality time with self, not to criticize self)

  • How am I feeling lately? (both physically and mentally)
  • Am I happy? Truly happy? And why is that? May I do something about it? (replacing ‘happy’ with ‘content’, ‘satisfied’, ‘enjoying life’, ‘sad’, ‘angry’, ‘upset’, ‘tired’, ‘stressed’, ‘worried’, ‘calm’, ‘focused’, ‘determined’, ‘relaxed’, ‘appreciative’, ‘creative’, ‘healthy’, ‘demotivated’, ‘judgmental’, ‘blaming’, ‘fearless’, ‘resentful’, ‘growing’, ‘honest’, ‘being loved’, ‘loving’, ‘avoiding’, ‘free spirit’, ‘having hard time’, ‘running out of time’, ‘energetic’, ‘inspired’, ‘lonely’ … etc. you may go through few emotion adjectives as above or select the one best describes you and dig into it.) 
  • How far am I from my personal goals? (Do I have a personal goal?)
  • How is my work vs. life balance at the moment?
  • How have I changed emotionally and physically from last month? (How is my well-being?) 
  • What can I do differently for myself next month?
  • What did I do last month that I am proud of? (Take time to appreciate how good I am!)
  • Am I growing or learning or enriching myself? (Developing my potential…)
  • What is(are) my priority(ies) in the coming month? (take 1 month at a time – this helps to regain focus on what is important and close to your heart) 
  • What makes me happy? (and grant yourself to do that 😛 what’s the wait?)
  • If I win 1 million dollars, what would I do and feel? (this question is to encourage dreaming~ every dream with realizable action plans => goals coming true!!)

The purpose of the above question is to constantly be aware of our own thoughts and feelings. Many people who are stressed often neglect the early warnings that are sent out from their mind and bodies. If we are all aware of early signals and having regular check up or conversations with self, life will be much happier and more relaxed!!

While you taking time surfing on the net and reading nice articles, why not take another 5 minutes to answer the above question for yourselves, having a little intimacy with self!!

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Posted by on October 25, 2012 in Thoughts


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Final Sep update on My 5 self-love actions for the next 90 days (Part 3/3)

Sorry for the delay! Finally it’s here! 🙂

Day 30 – Today’s home work: Create a self-love plan of 5 action items for the coming 90 days (July, August, September) The below is my 5 self-love actions with final month, end of Sep updates: (my end of August updates and end of July updates)

(1) Read 3 self-love books (1 book by the end of each month)

3rd book checked – Self-improvement 101” by John C Maxwell.

Additional book read: “Social Intelligence: The new science of human relationships” by Daniel Goleman.

(2) One statement per day (30 by each month end)

      • Sep 1 – It’s better to be well prepared than sorry.
      • Sep 2 – There is nothing more important than embracing and standing firmly for certain family values. I am making the changes for a better family life
      • Sep 3 – The easiest and fastest way to change the world is to change ourselves.
      • Sep 4 – Do not let others to decide or to disturb on how I will live through my day today.
      • Sep 5 – Nothing is so urgent in life (don’t have to rush all the time), unless when life itself become urgent (facing life and death situation).
      • Sep 6 – Helping others is like having pollen and seeds spreading around, we never know what kind of flowers, fruits or outcomes it will bring. It is not so much about expecting any return, but rather not to underestimate the impacts that we bring on others. (I encourage myself keep on spreading the seeds of surprises!)

        • Sep 7 – When I start to focus on how much others do for me, I start to realize how little I do for others. 
        • Sep 8 – Loving self is an important life long subject; but we often forget to keep it in the daily program.
        • Sep 9 – Take 2-3 hours to do something I like regularly, i.e. per week, I feel much more with myself and  happy with myself.
        • Sep 10 – Self-improvement is meant for ‘self’, not for others.
        • Sep 11 – Type of life we are living in is reflected in the types of daily activities we do. (if want to change the type of life, we got to change the activities)

  • Sep 12 – if we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living.” by Gail Sheehy
  • Sep 13 – Growth is certainly a choice; no one says it is easy, but for sure rewarding!
  • Sep 14 – Focus on self-development, not self-fulfillment. (self-development is a bigger goal than self-fulfillment. Self-fulfillment is the by-product benefit of self-development)
  • Sep 15 – Anyone appears in our lives for a reason. I may not understand what is the reason right away, but I am willing to explore and learn more from them.
  • Sep 16 – Resting is preparing for the next heard work!
  • Sep 17 – Finding life purpose calling is not easy (especially we don’t listen to our hearts), but it will come when we start to pay attention.
  • Sep 18 – Sometimes what I think it is good for others may not be the case. Always double check with consideration.
  • Sep 19 – Within an interaction, how I react enrolls how other responses. (meaning if I want my boss to trust me that I am handling everything well, I need to first show my boss I am handling my boss well)
  • Sep 20 – Where I am being myself and expose myself, it does not mean I am weak and vulnerable. I just choose to let others to see the naked me. (don’t have to guess me)
  • Sep 21 – He who dares loving, trying and giving is really living!
  • Sep 22 – Managing self is easier than managing others; nevertheless, we like to manage others first.
  • Sep 23 – A winner knows how much he still has to learn, even when he is considered an expert by others; a loser wants to be considered as an expert before he has learned enough to know how little he knows. by Sydney Harris
  • Sep 24 – Live like there is no next month.
  • Sep 25 – It’s not ‘time’ that we don’t have, it’s self-discipline.
  • Sep 26 – Develop a plan, working toward according to the plan and discipline myself without any excuses.
  • Sep 27 – What is life like with a limited life with unfulfilled potentials?
  • Sep 28 – No matter how busy or tired I am, I am committed to take at least 1 hour a week conversing with myself ( I am feeling, how I have been, am I happy, how far am I from my personal goals, how is my life/work balance and so on).
  • Sep 29 – Always give self extra credit, support and courage to do things desired.
  • Sep 30 – “The greatest enemy of tomorrow’s success is today’s success” by Rick Warren

(3) Two hours of exercise per week (8.5 hours every month) 65% checked – took an hour every week during lunch time to do some fast walking around the block and 30 minutes stretching each night before going to bed. Certainly over the past 90 days, there were still room to improve; and I keep on telling myself to continue going ahead, not to let yesterday’s failure dis-encourages tomorrow’s success!

(4) Two activities per month that I would love to do with myself (2 activities to share each month) Checked! Take a good bath with oil, home made ice tea with candle and music 🙂 Treat myself with world famous singer concert (Madonna’s concert)!!

(5) Save $100 per month for the thing that I always wanted ($100 more at the end of each month) Checked! Not only I have saved $300, a friend of mine has given me an iPAD as a gift! So wonderful~ it’s like when I start to accumulate wealth, wealth itself multiplies!!! (law of attraction?)


Posted by on October 21, 2012 in Thoughts


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Aug update on My 5 self-love actions for the next 90 days (Part 2/3)

Day 30 – Today’s home work: Create a self-love plan of 5 action items for the coming 90 days (July, August, September)

The below is my 5 self-love actions with end of Aug updates:
(my end of July updates)

(1) Read 3 self-love books (1 book by the end of each month)

2nd book checked – Encouragement changes everything by John C Maxwell.

The next book for September is “Self-improvement 101” by John C Maxwell.

(2) One statement per day (30 by each month end)

  • Aug 1 – Encouragement is the oxygen to the soul.
  • Aug 2 – We always have choice to be who we want to be!
  • Aug 3 – It would be easier to hike with the right shoes…
  • Aug 4 – Let no ‘expectation’ traps me into the ‘should be’ situation and disturbs me emotionally.

  • Aug 5 – I am really proud of myself facing up to my weaknesses.
  • Aug 6 – Life is beautiful. I will take time to slow down and enjoy the beauty.
  • Aug 7 – I can do it! I can let go the urge of wanting to be right! 
  • Aug 8 – Empathy is the pillar for an intimate and strong relationship.
  • Aug 9 – At time of difficult moment, take one day at a time; difficult period will eventually pass.
  • Aug 10 – Not to over worry for people or things that I have no control over or not responsible of. 
  • Aug 11 – Relationship requires investment of love, time, energy, compromises, understanding, patience, communication and faith. The more we invest, the more we reap on the way!
  • Aug 12 – Trust is the foundation of a relationship. I will give 100% of trust at the beginning – what do I get to lose?
  • Aug 13 – sometimes we ask for things that we are not ready to receive; in this case, perhaps it’s better that we wait a bit longer.
  • Aug 14 – Waiting for someone else’ to change takes very long time; it is easier to change ourselves first.
  • Aug 15 – Anyone appears in our lives for a reason. I may not understand what is the reason right away, but I am willing to explore and learn from.
  • Aug 16 – I am happy that I am a giver in love and also a taker.
  • Aug 17 – There are so many unfortunate events happening on other people around us; I will cherish what I have, not focus on what i don’t have.
  • Aug 18 – When I start to involve and consider my partner in decision making, from big to small decisions, it’s the time when i really in a relationship.
  • Aug 19 – Sometimes in a relationship, it’s not about what we can do for others, but merely the simple fact if we are there when asked or needed.
  • Aug 20 – To get recognized by others, sometimes is not about how well and how much you have done; but how much you stood up by your achievements.
  • Aug 21 – Always aim for the best and prepare for the worst.
  • Aug 22 – It’s never too late to make an apology.
  • Aug 23 – Do what you can while alive; once when time is up, action ceases.
  • Aug 24 – Be humble; the more we know, the less we know.
  • Aug 25 – Forgive is to forget and let go; not to ignore.
  • Aug 26 – A bold heart is half of the battle.
  • Aug 27 – Less is more. 
  • Aug 28 – The best gifts in life are given when we are not asking for them.
  • Aug 29 – When my partner embraces my temper in silence, it does not mean it doesn’t hurt, so I may abuse it; it means he loves me and my temper more than he loves himself.
  • Aug 30 – Thinking out of box sometimes, it helps thinking in the box!
  • Aug 31 – I may not be the best perfect partner that my partner wishes for; but I am proud of being the partner I am to my partner.

(3) Two hours of exercise per week (8.5 hours every month)

50% checked – only did 4 hours this month 😦 I would like to focus a bit more in restate my health in Sept!

(4) Two activities per month that I would love to do with myself (2 activities to share each month)

Checked! Finally visited my dream destination, a church in Mogno Switzerland designed by Mario Botha (see below); invited myself to a Japanese restaurant and enjoy food by myself.

(5) Save $100 per month for the thing that I always wanted ($100 more at the end of each month)

Checked! Total $200 by now and I have already bought the pad!!! YEH.. early achievement!


Posted by on August 31, 2012 in Thoughts


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July update on My 5 self-love actions for the next 90 days (Part 1/3)

Day 30 – Today’s home work: Create a self-love plan of 5 action items for the coming 90 days (July, August, September)

The below is my 5 self-love actions with end of July updates:

(1) Read 3 self-love books (1 book by the end of each month)

Checked – “Love Yourself and it doesn’t matter who you marry” by Eva-Maria Zurhorst

The next book for August is Encouragement changes everything by John C Maxwell.

(2) One statement per day (30 by each month end)

  • July 1 – Loving self is something I want to constantly doing in my life; so far I am proud of myself in doing it.
  • July 2 – I want to pursue my goals in life, enrich my personal growth and live to the fullest.
  • July 3 – Be the person I want to be.
  • July 4 – Be positive as always, do not let negative emotions take over.
  • July 5 – I am responsible for my own life and the decisions I have made.
  • July 6 – Not to give up trying until the very very last moment!
  • July 7 – Life is about exploring, taking myself a step further into the unknown.
  • July 8 – True love exists for the ones who believe and have faith in it.

  • July 9 – If by spending a little more allows great enjoyment in exchange and hassle-free, why budge, just spend the money.
  • July 10 – Being rich is not about how much I earn; it’s about how much I can give.
  • July 11 – Before making any compliant on things not being done; take a moment to appreciate how much has already been achieved.
  • July 12 – When I am in the driver seat, I am the boss. I am responsible for the safety not just mine own, but also every single person in the passenger seat. I do my best. If you do not approve my driving skills, take other cars.
  • July 13 – Anger promotes not only mis-communication, but further stop I from hearing what’s being said.
  • July 14 – I am proud of myself that for the past 5 days, I walk more than 15,000 steps every day.
  • July 15 – Instead of trying to control or manage others, it may be more effective and efficient to control, manage and change myself.
  • July 16 – The world does not evolve around me; things cannot just all happen as I wish. Sometimes, I would need to let others have their ways.
  • July 17 – Giving presentation is just like performing a show; always give more than 100% and enjoy the spot light, attention while on the stage!
  • July 18 – Being nervous due to adrenaline rush is to provide for the best performance. Enjoy it!
  • July 19 – Today, I decide to become a patient person.
  • July 20 – Taking some time to relax, be with self and enjoy life, these are absolutely essential!
  • July 21 – Life is what we make out of it! How much we invest is how much we get at the end.
  • July 22 – Always be aware of own physical and mental energy level. If there is any trouble cause, find it, face it and solve it before it gets serious.
  • July 23 – Take away the “I should’, “I need to” in life and change to “I want” –> I may transform self pressure to self motivation.
  • July 24 – The world is not that big; one way or another, we all related to each other.

  • July 25 – Be open minded while chatting with friends, the conversation may be surprising.
  • July 26 – It is not enough just to accept my own weaknesses, but also need (oops –>) want to ensure they do not expand or further develop in a negative direction (keep them in control).
  • July 27 – To be in control or not in control, this is the question.
  • July 28 – It’s an art to master in the area of grey or ambiguity.
  • July 29 – Sleeping is such an enjoyment; over sleeping is over enjoyment!
  • July 30 – As we cannot choose our family members, why not be the best we can be as a family member?
  • July 31 – Mis-communication is better than no communication.

(3) Two hours of exercise per week (8.5 hours every month)

Half checked – only did 4 hours this month 😦

(4) Two activities per month that I would love to do with myself (2 activities to share each month)

Checked! Sun bathing by the pool for an afternoon and listening to audio books for the whole afternoon.

(5) Save $100 per month for the thing that I always wanted ($100 more at the end of each month)



Posted by on July 31, 2012 in Thoughts


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Enjoy right now being who you want to be ~

Lately at work, I so much want to be promoted to a senior or manager position. It is about time and it is the time.

To have a manager title in life, really depends on few things, i.e.not only on my own ability and skills at work, capability in managing and leading self and others, my upper management skills, but also opportunity, chances presented and who I know, as well as the structure of the company (company gives manager title easier than the other due to nature business). So even if I am ready, no available opportunities or lucks, under given company circumstances, I just have to wait.

For someone who is action oriented and always pursuing own goals like me, WAITING is the last option. I make efforts in different alternative options, i.e. communicate to my direct supervisor, 2nd layer supervisor, colleagues in human resources, colleagues in other department, ex-bosses; expand my networks…etc. During the solution exploration, I also received some feedback. Two feedback really stroke me and inspired me:

What do you think manager is doing which I am not already doing? 

What stop me from doing my ideal manager is doing?  

Credit to “Day to be You”

It’s so true that no one is stopping me becoming a manager or leader at my own timing, earlier than my supervisor or company makes me one. I don’t need a title to behave like one; I may empower myself already to be one. I have been my own manager for at least 20 years already; from time to time, I am managing others at work, at personal relationships and with family members and friends, I am still learning in this process of managing, but I am doing it without a ‘manager’ title. Why I need one at work? (besides better pay)

If you feel the same at work, may I encourage you to continue be a manager without having the title 🙂

This particular concept, attitude and spirit may also apply to other area of life. For example, you want to be married and be a wife; then start act like one. It would not help if you act like a girlfriend who always want to be spoiled, pampered and not sharing the co-responsibility of building a home together. If you want your teenage kid to be a responsible young adult, then act like you already have one. Treat him or her like one young responsible adult, give him or her the respects, space and credit to be one.

Life is short. Let’s spend more time enjoying being one, than constantly pursuing to have one. 

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Posted by on July 5, 2012 in Thoughts


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How you love yourself in the next 90 days? (2012.W27)

Bucket Challenge: How you love yourself in the next 90 day?
(Ending Sunday 3rd October 2012)

Together with our last post of Day 30 – How you love yourself in the next 90 days? in our 30 Days on How to love yourself more, we would like to invite you to join us on loving ourselves in the coming 90 days!

Very often we are busy loving the people around us and neglecting loving ourselves. We are relying and expecting others to love us and take good care of us; in fact there will be no one knows better than ourselves in understand what we want and taking good care of us. It is our privilege and responsibility.

Taking this opportunity to retrospect how you love yourselves in daily life. It’s never too late to love ourselves!

Read more about our posts on how to love yourself more 🙂 and join us for this 90 days challenge!!

Note* there is no daily post for the coming 90 days (to avoid any confusion); but rather that you come up own plan to love yourself for the coming 90 days.

We will have random posts and sharing in the coming 90 days; and will do another 30 Days on How to Love Your Partner from 1st August 2012.

Challenge: Love yourself in the next 90 days!!

Extra Challenge:

Make this a life time challenge!


To pay attention to ourselves and love ourselves in daily life. 
Time required: 10 minutes to 1 hour or more per day
Energy level: Low – High
Preparation: Plan yourself properly and just do it!!

Check out my plan!

* Encourage and support us by sharing this post with your friends or clicking “LIKE” if you like our post:)

Don’t forget to share with us your experiences and how your life has changed because of the challenge!!

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Posted by on July 3, 2012 in Weekly


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“THE WORK” by Byron Katie ~ Berlin 30th June 2012

We are on a road trip to love ourselves more!! 

We are attending a 1 day workshop in Berlin hosted by Byron Katie whose job is to teach people how to stop suffering. Her developed concept “The Work” is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that teaches people to identify and question the thoughts that cause all the suffering in the world. It’s a way to understand what’s hurting you, and to address the cause of the problems with clarity.

We will update you the course when we are back!!

Here is a video from youtube about her:


Posted by on June 30, 2012 in Thoughts


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