Everything takes its time to grow, mature and consummate. By pulling the seeding, it will not help the plant to grow faster.
We have been brought up differently accordingly to our parents’ teaching, our social backgrounds, cultures and educations; we are learning through various thinking models, institutions and techniques; we are also growing and maturing based on our own unique personal experiences, failures and successes. Each of us has own favorite and effective ways of learning and requiring different time frames and space to grow. What is your most effective and efficient way to develop? In which areas would you like to improve and in what manners?
In a couple relationships, it is always easier to identify what our partners may improve, develop, grow up and get mature on. Our partners may agree or disagree on our views and take or not take actions subsequently. It is important that despite what we think or wish, our partners are individuals who are responsible for their own well-beings, own personal developments and growth, and we are here to support them, but not to take actions on behalf of them. Let them do at their own pace and timing.
If the above describes you in the relationship with your partner, taking this opportunity to open up a space where you are supporting and embracing your partner’s ways of enhancing him or herself. If your partner chooses not to do much about his or her own personal growth (after you challenge him or her out of own comfort zones), let him or her be. Perhaps your partner is thinking seriously and taking a break before starting or continuing. Let your own self-development be the inspiring example for your partner.
On the other hand, if your partner is the demanding, pushy one: express your gratitude to his or her goodwill on you; thank your partner for seeing your potentials and wanting the best for your development. Assure your partner that you are aware it’s your responsibility to grow, you are taking care of it; ask your partner to be patient and allow you to do it at your own speed and timing. Invite your partner to be a part of the process for the mental and physical supports, encouragements and recognitions, but not as an examiner who constantly checks for results.
Personal growth is a lifelong journey. It’s an honor to participate and be a part of someone’s development process, especially your partner’s. Seize the opportunity well, use your wisdom to support; let your involvements value-add your partner’s growth.
Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)
Empowering and trusting he or she is taking care of his or her personal development; providing encouragements and recognitions when he or she needs it and a space allowing him or her to grow at own pace and timing.
For your actions:
(1) Take time to think about how do you participate in your partner’s personal development? Do you take charge or empower and allow your partner to grow as he or she wishes?
(2) How could you support your partner more in his or her own development?