Do you trust your partner? Do you trust yourself? In which areas do you have doubts in your partner? Is it related to your partner and himself (i.e. he always procrastinates in general) or between your partner and you (i.e. he only postpones the to-do tasks or events with you)? In which areas do you have doubts in yourself? Is it related to you and yourself or between you and your partner? Do you spot any correlation or patterns between you and your partner? The answers most likely inter-related because you reflect each other.
Trust, like happiness, is a state of mind. If you first trust your partner, whatever you hear, he or she says are all trustworthy and you response in trusting manners; positive atmosphere and energy go back and forth. On the other hand, if you do not trust your partner up front in the relationship or start to doubt, everything you hear is customized with suspicions and uncertainties, and you behave accordingly; the vicious circle of distrust starts. Distrust is like a poison, it slowly eats away your ideals, happiness, faith, love and the opportunity to a genuine trusting relationship.
What are your beliefs in the area of ‘Trust’? Do you think trust is earned or you could give it freely? If a stranger approaches you or a new friend asks more private matters about you, will you grant trust to this person and share more? How much trust will you give? What is your theory around the subject? And is it different for your partner? When will you trust your partner with your love (i.e. believing he or she will not hurt you in love) and your life (i.e. that he or she will not harm your life and is able to protect your life, as he or she is protecting his or hers)?
Trust is a choice and can be given to anyone at any time the moment you decide. By trusting others completely doesn’t free or guarantee you from harms; but it rather opens up what you can offer to others, to relationship, lets others know you are adequate and abundant, you afford to take the risks, as well as at the same time it encourages and enrolls others to take the same approach and do the same (to give you complete trust freely).
In S. Covey’s book, “Speed of Trust”, he uses the “ripple effect” metaphor with Self at the center and waves rippling from the inside out to describe the “5 Waves of Trust”, i.e. first trust wave is Self-Trust (credibility driven), second is Relationship-Trust (consistent behavior driven) wave, then follows …. It’s all starting from ourselves and we are the key to a successful trusting relationship.
Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)
Giving my partner the benefit of doubts and treating him or her with my total trust, respect and openness; before I jump into any conclusion or making any accusation of my partner, I will openly discuss and verify with my partner first.
For your actions:
(1) Ask yourself if you have given your partner the benefit of doubts? How much do you trust yourself and your partner in love?
(2) What does it take for you to give your partner complete trust?