“You have to drop all your defenses; only then is intimacy possible. We are all hiding a thousand and one things, not only from others but from ourselves. ” ~ By Osho
Most of us desire ‘intimacy’ in our relationship with love one, but afraid to be the first to share and give our inner self. Being intimate with self is to empathize, embrace and nurture with one’s own weaknesses, vulnerabilities, wounds and deep emotions; this requires tremendous self-courage to face up own reality and self-love to accept with totality, to heal and grow out of the old wounds. Being intimate with our partners mean in additions to ‘being intimate with self’, we are to open up ourselves completely and to invite our partners to ‘into-me-see’.
Depending on how intimate we are with ourselves and how comfortable we are with how much our partners see our inner world, we set boundaries and scopes for intimacy. Every one of us has our own definition, understanding and requirements in terms of what are or constitute ‘intimacy’; so does every couple in relationship. For couple, no matter whether it is no secrets between the two, always honest and open with each other or sharing inner feelings, healing past wounds with compassion, or exposing own frailties and fear with other’s support and so on, the moment you both discuss and agree to have intimacy, you are already in the boat of intimacy. The more time and efforts invested in the ‘intimacy’ of your relationship, the more heart-felt moments you share and enjoy, leading to closer and tighter bond with each other.
Take a moment to ask yourself: are you intimate with yourself? Are you intimate with your partner? What does it mean by having intimacy with your partner and through what activities do you feel more intimate and closer to your partner? Perhaps you choose not to want intimacy or if you are afraid of being intimate? Explore and get to know yourself more around the subject of ‘intimacy’, i.e. your beliefs, behaviors, understanding and definitions; you may find the missing key which unlocks the door to intimacy, wounds or past secrets which may set free your hidden desires or abilities in becoming intimate.
Being intimate is a state of mind reflecting your connectivity with inner self or with your partner. It is a way of living and an art of life; it brings the fine finishing touch to relationship. You don’t need to be highly skilled to have intimacy with your partner, just a willing heart. Are you ready to ‘into-me-see’?
Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)
Being the first in our relationship to open up completely and invite my partner to ‘into-me-see’, trusting my partner will not hurt me; also patiently to encourage and enroll my partner to share his or her inner world with me.
For your actions:
(1) Understand first your own relationship with self on ‘intimacy’, then the ‘intimacy’ in your relationship with the partner, i.e. your beliefs, understanding, definitions and expectations…etc.
(2) Share and discuss with your partner your view on ‘intimacy’ and the desirable ‘intimacy’ within your relationship. Listen carefully what and how your partner answers and responses (first open up session to be intimate).
(3) Find out what activities (will) make both of you feel intimate and close with each others, make plans for these activities.