What you are interested in is where your heart is.
Each one of us has our own interests, hobbies, activities and things that we are passionate about. Even when we are in a relationship, despite the common interests, mutual favorite activities to do together and couple goals to pursue, there will be parts that just not overlapping; a part that only belongs to each of you individually. Are you aware of these non-overlapping parts? What are yours and what are your partner’s? Are you both supporting each other’s non-overlapping parts?
Besides the common interests already shared between couples, sometimes we wish our partners may join us in doing that we like, however not particularly interesting for them, i.e. going to theatres, doing some charity work or going to Christmas or grocery shopping or fishing, hiking, parachuting and so on. We know we are in an equal, balanced relationship and respect each other’s choice of participation, i.e. will not force our partner to do things they don’t like; deep within we may still secretly hoping: ‘it would be nice if he or she accompanies me’, ‘only if my partner would be here’…
If you know your partner has a little wish like this, why not pamper your partner once? Just go along and join his or her activities, activities that your partner is passionate about. If you haven’t tried the activities, give yourself a chance to (a) experience something new for yourself and see if you would like it, perhaps it’s not as what you have in mind; (b) be there for your partner. Try not to anticipate your experience before trying; because the experience may be totally overwhelming and bringing you something unexpected! Keep open minded.
If your partner never invites you or shows irrelevance if you join or not his or her activities; ask and invite yourself. It doesn’t harm for a couple to understand each other more and openly discuss about your partner’s hobbies, interests and passion (besides you). By asking and inviting yourself into where his or her interest (heart) is, you may open up the door of opportunities doing and trying out things together (where two hearts together) and exploring more potential common interests. The worst case, if you really don’t like it, at least both gave it a try and created a new experience together.
Shown interests in your partner’s hobbies or activities, even if you do not participate the actual events. Showing interests means you care, your heart and mind are with your partner, despite your physical absence. Be careful in the situation where you dislike your partner’s hobbies or interests, it is the hobbies or interests that you disagree, not your partner; your heart and mind may still with your partner (you may still show interests).
When you are interested in something, your heart and mind is with this particular something. You spend time thinking and learning about it, trying and experimenting, as well as sharing and inviting others to get to know about it. As you are already interested in your partner, invite yourself a little further: showing interests (i.e. asking how about it, how it goes…) in what your partner likes and giving supports through participation (i.e. joining the event, helping preparation, giving encouragement…).
Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)
Showing interests and giving supports at my partner’s hobbies and interests.
For your actions:
(1) Find out what is your partner’s non-overlapping part of interests or hobbies?
(2) Choose at least one activity this week to start with and show your interests and supports as mentioned above!