We normally think forgiveness is to be offered to others who hurt us, what we have forgotten is that forgiveness also set ourselves free, free of past hurts and pain.
We all made mistakes from big to small along the way in life. As we are all not perfect, we surely will make some more mistakes in the years to come. While we say ‘sorry’, make apologies to others, ask for forgiveness, do we also forgive others generously? If we could give our forgiveness to strangers, wouldn’t it be even easier to forgive our love ones?
We get hurts in relationship and these wounds require extra attention, love, care and time to heal. Instead of focusing and spending more energy and time on healing together with our partners, some of us choose to make a grudge, hold onto the partners who caused the pain and suffering, demand numerous apologies and wait for the partners to make up or heal the wounds; in some severe cases, some choose to spend lots time in getting back even. The healing process is postponed without further notice. Isn’t a sincere apology good enough for a loving relationship? Isn’t a good healing process together more important than getting even? Is it really so hard just to let go the grudge, forgive and start fresh again?
People hold on to their hurts because of ‘ego’, “How dare he or she hurts me like this…”, “How could he or she ignore my pain and my suffering?”, “After all I have done and sacrificed, how could he or she done…to me?”, it’s all about ‘YOU’, but not about them. Ego magnifies your hurts and pains, so you could justify the accusations and continue the actions against forgiveness. Are you aware of this situation and allowing ‘ego’ to sabotage you, your partner and your loving relationship?
‘To forgive’, it simply requires a change of mind and a declaration of “I forgive you”. ‘To forgive’, it doesn’t mean your hurt is now gone and forgotten; it is rather that your hurt is now being recognized and accepted by both you and your partner. If you have some doubts in how easy forgive someone may be, just take one thing that you are holding against your partner, simply just change your mind right now and say it aloud “I totally forgive him or her”. Does it make you feel much better, like dropping the heavy stone in your heart, lifting the tight painful feeling into the air or releasing the tears into your eyes? Don’t think much, forgive with your heart and say again, “I fully forgive him or her hurting me in…..” (be as specific and clear in what you are forgiving your partner as possible).
Making apology requires courage and sincerity; giving forgiveness also takes brevity and open heart. By apologizing, your partner has acknowledged his or her part of wrong doing and asking for your acceptance; by forgiving, you recognize and accept how vulnerable you are, prepare for healing and get ready to open up yourself again for your partner to get close. The sooner and faster you let go and forgive your partner hurting you, the faster both of you may start focusing on healing together. What are you still waiting for?
Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)
Taking a decision to change my mind and forgive my partner for all the hurts he or she has caused; vise versa (asking for my partner’s forgiveness).
For your actions:
(1) Forgive your partner by saying to him or her “I forgive you, the time you…..” Ask your partner to listen first, but not to response to what you say; let your partner know the purpose of this exercise is to free both of you out of past hurts and blames, not to create new ones.
(2) Ask your partner if he or she would like to do the same.
(3) Discuss and agree with your partner that both of you will apologize to each other and ask for forgiveness in the same day when any hurt is done, not to allow any time for grudges to build on.