Day 16 – Compromise is inevitable in a healthy relationship

16 Aug

Compromise is not a change of heart, but rather changes in expectation and tactics.

Is it possible for you to love someone who is so different to you? Is it also possible for you to live with him or her? Are you embracing the differences between you two or repulsing the differences? Are you allowing the differences to work in favor of your relationship or to fracture the connection? Do you need a partner to complement you or want a partner who is just like you? Be careful, what you need and what you want sometimes are not the same.

Strictly speaking under micro-inspection, every single one of us is a unique individual. We are all different from each other; even though we may share a lot in common. Couples who are very similar to each other and share many common beliefs, interests and habits, they tend to bond faster, closer and their relationship progresses further than the couples who have greater differences between them. This does not mean the couples who are similar do not compromise or do not argue. We all take time (long or short) to adjust ourselves to be with other people.

What are your beliefs on ‘compromise’? Are you compromising a lot in your current love relationship? How do you feel about it? Dictionary definitions of ‘compromise’ are (1) to settle by mutual concessions and (2) to reduce the quality, value, or degree of something. In point 1, it is stated ‘compromise’ are about two people agreeing on something. If one agrees, but not the other, this is not a compromise. It may help us if we first understand the differences between ‘agree’ vs. ‘accept’. A typical tooth paste squeezing example: I may disagree with the way my partner is squeezing the tooth paste (from the bottom), because that’s not how I do it (from the middle), however I accept his way of doing, because that’s the way he is, and since I accept, I will not be bothered or nagging about this difference. If both shares the same view, in this case, there is nothing to compromise, even both may disagree, but both accept each other’s way. And this is the power of acceptance. In point 2, personally believe ‘compromise’ sometimes brings inconveniences for individuals, because it is no longer just one person’s way; however it does not necessary reduce the quality, value or degree of something, instead it brings the synergy of a joined agreement where both are benefiting from.

Compromise in a relationship is inevitable and it’s a sign of respectful partnership. If you find to ‘compromise’ is slightly difficult, take a moment to find the root causes. To compromise is not to ask you to change your heart intention or lower your standard, instead it’s about you changing the expectation of the joint situation (no longer just one person’s situation) and the ways of dealing with the joint event together with your partner taking into consideration of his or her expectation.

Ps. A point to think further: if you find the right partner, there is no need to compromise.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)


For your actions:

(1)    Take a moment to answer: do you compromise in your relationship? From a scale of 1 (not compromising at all) -10 (being compromising too much), how would you rate yourself and your partner? And how do you feel about it? Dig deeper to find the reasons.

(2)    Ask your partner to rate from scale 1-10 about him or her being compromising and about you. Take the opportunity to align both understanding about ‘compromise’; share each other’s view and feelings towards ‘compromise’.

(3)    Do one of the activities with your partner that he or she likes, but you are not too keen on. Try compromise by doing and see what it will bring you!


1 Comment

Posted by on August 16, 2012 in Thoughts


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