Most of the time, do you pay attention to how you feel physically and emotionally? Do you catch and remember every single thought that flying by in and out your mind? Are you acknowledging these feelings and thoughts? Are you freely to express them? Stop right now for a moment and ask yourself: how are feeling physically and emotionally today? What causes the way you feel? What are the thoughts you are having today? Are they new or repeated thoughts? Are they related to you and yourself, you and your partner, children or you and someone else? Is there any feelings or thoughts you cannot express freely or have been avoiding them?
One of the ways to love your partner is to express yourself openly, clearly and bravely with love; so that your partner does not have to second guess you, your thoughts and behaviors, or be unsure about how you feel physically and emotionally. Your conversation goes forward from a clear communication. Unfortunately what’s clear to you doesn’t always clear to your partner. It is important to reconfirm, so that both of you understand on the mutual ground. What would be even better is that you tell your partner what you are looking for from him or her, i.e. support in the form of understanding, empathy or advices with actions or merely just listening and so on. The simple, easier you have made yourself to express and say, the less complication in the communication process.
We sometimes not express ourselves fully due to various reasons. No matter it is “afraid to hurt our partners”, “not sure how our partner will think of us”, “too shy to say I love you” or “too shy to ask for or tell what we really want from our partner, like ‘love me too’, ‘this is my vulnerable area, don’t hurt me if I share’”, inside us, we all secretly hoping our partner will get our unspoken messages. But tell me, if you get your partner’s unspoken messages? And who is responsible for the unspoken messages to be understood?
Communication is at best when we have face-to-face conversation; because any time during the process, we may clarify (if there is any misunderstanding), elaborate (explain further or give examples) and share immediate emotions (know when to slow down and make emotional connections). If you prefer more discreet ways of communicating your feelings, thoughts and asking what you want, it can be through a brief letter with love, a post-it next to a cup of coffee, a voice message or even an email. The importance is to make yourself heard clearly and being understood and acknowledged by your partner. Not wait till one day, everything comes out like a volcano spurt or when it is too late.
Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)
Openly expressing and sharing myself, my thoughts and emotions; making the conversation as clear and simple as possible, so it may be well understood by both of us. I take courage and love with me whenever and wherever needed.
For your actions:
(1) Find out the areas or topics that you are not expressing yourself openly to your partner; ask yourself the reasons and challenge yourself to share.
(2) Review the ways you communicate (analyze through two examples); ask yourself where could it been misunderstood or wrongly communicated.
(3) Ask your partner if he or she likes the way you communicate; ask what is to be continued or what is to be stopped.